no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
