I looked at my own cervix.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
