Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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