Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
