Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my being single is dangerous.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
