batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize