Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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