Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
In America we eat man semen.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
