I want to have your abortion
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
