All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
