doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
