I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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