ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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