i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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