the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
