How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
