I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
