I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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