I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
