The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
