I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize