so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
