She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
