haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
