Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
