cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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