ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize