you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
