Your face is a jimmy john
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this must be what syphilis tastes like
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
