I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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