I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
