Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
