I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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