We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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