Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
