Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
