you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
