i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
