My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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