Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Randomize
