i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
