considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
