The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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