just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
