Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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