Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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