drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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