I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
please come you make the beer taste better
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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