i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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