it was like his penis was on wheels.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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