do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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