I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im holly from the hills drunk
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
