My brain says no but my pants say off.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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