dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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