I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
