Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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