I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
