I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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