Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
