reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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