i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
