So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
