im drinking this country out of the recession.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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