EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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