One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
