i just wanna soil my oats bro
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
