what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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