there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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