I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
