Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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