Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
