So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
